Live your life - NOW

Never allow waiting to become a habit. 

Live your life NOW. 

Take risks, dream and imagine, 

follow your heart!

Go and climb that mountain, 

Swim in that sea,

And be the life that you want!

My view from the train after crossing the Brenner Pass and heading back to Innsbruck, Austria

A leaf floating on God's river, ready and willing to GO!

I Samuel 3:9 
9 Therefore Eli said to Samuel, ‘Go, lie down; and if he calls you, you shall say, “Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.”’ So Samuel went and lay down in his place.

These verses, especially: “Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening”, resonate with me in a very direct way this Lent. I recently became a Postulant for the priesthood in The Episcopal Church (!!!) and I am hoping to attend seminary this coming Fall.
I'm 45.
Pending acceptances to MDiv programs and qualification for Financial Aid, I very well may be leaving behind a tenured university music position, a state presidency (LA-ACDA), several other jobs, and more.
Wait, WHAT?!
Having said all that, you can probably deduce that my personal journey has included much discernment as to God's will for my life and perhaps a little.....ok, a LOT of trepidation and some denial of a call that has been forming for many years.
I feel a bit like Eli, yet also like Samuel. Eli had allowed himself to wander from God's grace and presence. Sure enough, I am rather comfortable in my city, my music, my life. After having such strong and clear experiences of God's call, I overthought everything and practically discerned it away. I was excited, yet afraid of the idea of being called to ministry.

I was definitely a wayward leaf, clinging wildly to the branch trailing in the water, afraid of being swept away, maybe even of drowning. Being a conductor, I had the false sense of control down to an art, literally. I needed to learn how to let God lead. 

Luckily, more discernment and calling and then outside affirmations kept coming. A friend called from a House of Bishops meeting and said "Girrrl you need to talk to your bishop. He said he's tried to talk to you about discernment twice and that you'd shut him down both times". (*faints upon hearing)
Suddenly, I realized that this wasn't about me and my concerns, but about what God was doing in my life. I had been ignoring that. There's Eli and again, putting himself first, taking the best of the offerings.
I asked myself "Does God even speak with us today and if so, how on Earth can we tell if what we are hearing is indeed God's voice?" Samuel must have been about 12 or 13 when he heard God's voice. Thank goodness there's no age limit for God's Holy Spirit working in your life!
Then, when I thought I had all my own answers, I arrived at the beginning of my discernment and spiritual direction, I found myself "listening too hard". I wasn't expecting a booming voice from the sky, but then again, maybe I was. Samuel - fresh, unknowing and unexpecting, teaches us that we can indeed hear God and when we least expect it.
The innocence of his earnestness, wow. How do we position ourselves to better hear the Word of God? Well, perhaps we should "Go and lie down"
As I continue in my journey, I strive to be as open as Samuel. A leaf intentionally, yet freely floating on God's river, ready and willing to Go!

Leaf in small river near Kanuga, NC

(I Samuel 3:1-9)

3 Now the boy Samuel was ministering to the Lord under Eli. The word of the Lord was rare in those days; visions were not widespread.
2 At that time Eli, whose eyesight had begun to grow dim so that he could not see, was lying down in his room; 3 the lamp of God had not yet gone out, and Samuel was lying down in the temple of the Lord, where the ark of God was. 4 Then the Lord called, ‘Samuel! Samuel!’and he said, ‘Here I am!’ 5 and ran to Eli, and said, ‘Here I am, for you called me.’ But he said, ‘I did not call; lie down again.’ So he went and lay down. 6 The Lord called again, ‘Samuel!’ Samuel got up and went to Eli, and said, ‘Here I am, for you called me.’ But he said, ‘I did not call, my son; lie down again.’ 7 Now Samuel did not yet know the Lord, and the word of the Lord had not yet been revealed to him. 8 The Lord called Samuel again, a third time. And he got up and went to Eli, and said, ‘Here I am, for you called me.’ Then Eli perceived that the Lord was calling the boy. 9 Therefore Eli said to Samuel, ‘Go, lie down; and if he calls you, you shall say, “Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.”’ So Samuel went and lay down in his place.

#AdventWord #ASK - Prayers for Discernment

Today's #AdventWord is #ASK - December 9, 2015

I try to remember to ask for God's guidance along the many pathways I find in life. This past June, I found myself at Sewanee in Tennessee, walking between Stirling's Coffee House and another building. This pretty scene appeared before me and made me stop in my tracks. It hit me that we are always on a path in life, whether we know it or intend it, and whether we planned in advance for it or not. I ask God's guidance on my walk and I'm at a point now where that is a daily prayer....actually sometimes quite a few more times during some days!

                      

Yesterday, I turned in a giant application for postulancy (with supporting documents) in The Episcopal Church. Our diocesan ministry conference is in early January so I will have interviews then (with Standing Commission and Commission on Ministry) and should know more throughout the month. I feel called to walk down the path to priesthood and have been in the discernment process for the past year - and for many years if truth be told. Many turns in God's road have brought me to this place in my being and time will tell where I walk from here. I haven't written about it here, so directly, until now, but most of my friends know of my journey. I have been blessed beyond belief with God's calling and such a wonderful and uplifting discernment committee process full of growth, the support of my friends and family, amazing segue's from one thing into another that I could never have predicted, spiritual growth, my spiritual director, my vestry's nomination, and so much more.

If you're reading this, I ask you for your prayers, good wishes, and positive thoughts!

‪#‎Episcopal‬ ‪#‎Anglican‬ ‪#‎SSJE‬ ‪#‎EDOLA‬ AdventWord was created by SSJE (The Society of St. John the Evangelist) and is the Anglican Communion's Global Advent Calendar. I'm using it as a daily meditation, prayer, photo post, and a way to connect in spirit to millions during this season of light and hope. You can join me in creating your own. Just take a picture and post it with the day's AdventWord tags! Click HERE for their website and for their daily AdventWords.

A Prayer to Do God's Will - by Thomas Merton (1915-1968)

A beautiful prayer by Thomas Merton from his Thoughts in Solitude. I first read this when I read Listening Hearts (Farnham, Gill, McClean, Ward)

"My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone."

Leaves floating in a puddle outside the Christian Hospital Mungeli, India

Lord, Make Me a Channel of Disturbance: The "Reverse St. Francis Prayer"

Lord, make me a channel of disturbance.

Where there is apathy, let me provoke;

Where there is compliance, let me bring questioning;

Where there is silence, may I be a voice.

Where there is too much comfort and too little action, grant disruption;

Where there are doors closed and hearts locked,

Grant the willingness to listen.

When laws dictate and pain is overlooked...

When tradition speaks louder than need...

Grant that I may seek rather to do justice than to talk about it;

Disturb us, O Lord.

To be with, as well as for, the alienated;

To love the unlovable as well as the lovely;

Lord, make me a channel of disturbance.

~ Author unknown

Chapel at the Jvaris Mlonastery near Tbilisi, Georgia by Caroline Carson, 2015

An Alternate View: Heading to #GC78

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand... We're off! 

...into the wild Blue Book yonder... 

This is currently my view. Not too shabby.  I'm airborne, heading to the great Salt Lake City and contemplating all the things I'm going to learn about at the 78th General Convention of The Episcopal Church (DFMS). 

Salt Lake City's Salt Palace Convention Center         

I'll be completely honest: I'm SUPER EXCITED and a wee bit nervous too! 

I'm going as an alternate with my areas of selected interest being: Liturgy & Music, Communications, and Mission. My goal, wholeheartedly, is to serve as needed. 

I'll be taking tons of pictures for EDOLA (The Episcopal Diocese of Louisiana), running our church FB, IG, Pinterest, & Twitter, writing updates, and interviewing some very kind and gracious folks while I'm there. This makes me SO HAPPY!!!

I will also be walking in a procession with the Bishops Against Gun Violence event next Sunday. (More on this very soon.) Speaking of bishops, I thought I had gotten a bishop- free flight today...

Just kidding! :-) I absolutely adore our bishop (Rt. Rev'd Morris K. Thompson) so am quite happy to share the friendly skies. A few others from our deputation are also on this same flight! 

Why would I be nervous about #GC78? I think that I always am a little bit nervous before any convention. This time, it's a HUGE one and I'm not yet quite sure how everything works: from exchanging my media credentials for deputy creds, when I'll be stepping into a deputy role, where things are, social time, what all is expected of me, trying to see dear friends who are going to be even more busy, etc. etc. I'm quite sure I'll feel very at ease in a day though!

What's extremely important for me, personally, while I'm in SLC?

- Seeing my church in action in all of its areas: bishops, priests, deacons, lay ministers, volunteers, worship services, meetings, legislation, procedure. That might seem nerdy, but so be it. I'm curious as to these proceedings and I want to learn more!

- The election of our next Presiding Bishop! I will truly miss PB Katharine Jefferts-Schori. 
I think she has done an amazing job and have the highest respect for her. I love her sermons and speeches, her writings, her diplomacy, her international peace making. I think we have four truly wonderful people being considered for the next PB. 

- Liturgy

I'm carrying with me the hopes of many that this convention will further inclusion of new liturgies, discussion, and more regarding liturgical inclusivity people of all sexual orientations. 

- Discernment 

In my own discernment process, I continue to live into my calling in various ways. Attending #GC78 is a phenomenal opportunity for me to learn so much about the inner workings of The Episcopal Church, observe many varied worship services and the fact that at large gatherings such as this - worship dominates these conventions. This experience will also allow me to meet tons of people and to ask them about their chosen paths. I can't wait!!!!

Aaaaaaaaaaaand so, I'm off to SLC! Stay tuned! :-)

The Peace of Being

(from my travels in Tennessee and time at St. Mary's, Sewanee, June 2015)

My afternoon was the magic of sitting in clover and grass, breathing fresh air. My evening was watching the silent flicker of fireflies from a rocking chair. My night is the cool, soft breeze under a starry sky. Thank you God, for everything! 

Live the Questions

"Live the questions. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."
~ Rainer Maria Rilke (1875-1926) from Letters to a Young Poet

Photo by Caroline Carson, 2010. North Gyeonsang Province, Korea at Bulguksa

THE WHISKEYPALIAN

Good evening internets,
Welcome to The Adventures of a Whiskeypalian!
Welcome to the new name of my blog.
But wait, what is a whiskeypalian, you ask? (It's also spelled whiskypalian and whiskapalian....heck, even whiskopalian! For those who like spelling debates, check it out here - Whisky or Whiskey or even see it here in a Grammarist post!)

"Where you find four Episcopalians, you're sure to find a fifth..."

Fine, fine.....a whiskeypalian?
It's a term, said among some Episcopalians themselves, used rather humorously to refer to the fact that many Episcopalians don't shy away from having a drink (or two or three) every now and then. It holds that our denomination doesn't prohibit the consumption of alcohol among its members or clergy, within reasonable limits and consequences. Here's a "Christianease" definition. In fact, similar to groups of choir directors at conventions, groups of X, Y, or Z, I'd venture to say that terms like it apply to a fair amount of folks. I've heard it all my life and while it might upset some, it doesn't upset me. In fact, I love it! 
I am a whiskeypalian! I chose the version of spelling that contains the "e" so I can say it is for Episcopalian :-)
Oooooooh.....consider this: whiskey in your coffee! 
(YESSSSSS! Irish coffee)

It makes me love Episcopalianism even more. We can laugh at ourselves when being teased! Here's a great post "Ten Reasons to be a Whiskeypalian" by The Observer in Texas at the blog "Observations from the Side Aisle"
While I'm actually more of a coffeepalian, I definitely enjoy a good whiskey sour or Jamison on the rocks every now and then. I've been thinking quite a bit the past two years about the benefits of my "coffee with God" times and realized that I also genuinely like to write, however unrefined my skills. My blog posts are full of ponderings as well as puns. I crave a kaleidoscope of posts, tossing about in a sea of photos. Somehow, this translated into wanting to change my blog name. 

It may or may not have popped out of my mouth over an actual glass of whiskey...

I originally used Carsonia as "Caroline of Carsonia", but have always had some issues with Carson, Iowa and results. I've never been there, but I should, seeing as how we have that connection. I did figure out how out to preserve my old blog so Carsonia is still alive. It gets tons of hits on old posts. Who am I to stop that from happening? ;-)
So anyway, I'm giving this new name a try: 

"The Adventures of a Whiskeypalian"
I rather like it. Here I shall place the typical Caroline-ramblings, some serious thoughts, VSG life, puns, space jokes, Episcopal prayers, discernment thoughts, and ever so much more. Beware, YOU might want a whiskey after reading! As for me, CHEERS y'all :-)

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!