Favorite Thanksgiving Jokes & Cartoons

Here are some Thanksgiving jokes and cartoons, collected via the "internets".          
- Why can't you take a turkey to church? They use FOWL language. 

- Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive? It had 24 carrots. 

- Why did the turkey cross the road? It was Thanksgiving and he wanted people to think that he was a chicken...

- What's a turkey's favorite dessert? Peach gobbler!

- Why did the cranberries turn red? They saw the turkey dressing!

      
- What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him! 

- What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo? A turkey that can pluck itself! 

- What did baby corn say to mama corn? Where's popcorn? 

- If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
         

- What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? "If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!" 

- Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.

- What did the turkey say to the computer? Google, Google, Google...

- What's the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer? A pirate buries his treasure and a farmer treasures his berries.

             
- Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY 

- Why did the turkey cross the road? It was the chicken's day off!

- What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage. 

- What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving? A 'g'.

- Where do you find a turkey with no legs? Exactly where you left it.

     
- What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.

- What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace. 

- What did the leftover turkey say when it was wrapped up and refrigerated? Foiled again.

- What sound does a space turkey make? Hubble, Hubble, Hubble...  
- What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit? A poultrygeist! 

- What do you wear to Thanksgiving dinner? A Har- VEST. 

- What did Hippies put on their Thanksgiving mashed potatoes? Groovy.

- How much did the Mayflower weigh? A Puri-ton.

- What's the sleepiest thing on the Thanksgiving dinner table? NAP-kins.    


- What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter? Pumpkin pi.

- What is a pumpkin's favorite sport? Squash.

- What does a golfer like to eat with his.her turkey on Thanksgiving? PAT-tatoes.

- Why did the Thanksgiving basket get into trouble at school? He was cornu-copying.

 
BEHOLD.......the TURKEY NEBULA.....

Gregory of Nyssa

Today the church celebrates the life of Gregory of Nyssa (c. 335 - c. 395 C.E.)

* A collect for today:
Almighty God, you have revealed to your Church your eternal Being of glorious majesty and perfect love as one God in Trinity of Persons: Give us grace that, like your bishop Gregory of Nyssa, we may continue steadfast in the confession of this faith, and constant in our worship of you, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit; for you live and reign for ever and ever. Amen.

* A little history from the Internet School of Philosophy http://www.iep.utm.edu/gregoryn/ 

" - Gregory was bishop of #Nyssa from 372 to 376 and from 378 until his death. He is venerated as a saint in Roman #Catholicism, Eastern #Orthodoxy, Oriental Orthodoxy, #Lutheranism, and #Anglicanism. Gregory, his brother Basil of Caesarea, and Gregory of Nazianzus are collectively known as the Cappadocian Fathers."He spent his life in #Cappadocia, a region in central Asia Minor. Together, the Cappadocians are credited with defining Christian orthodoxy in the Eastern Roman Empire, as Augustine (354—430 C.E.) was to do in the West. Gregory was a highly original thinker, drawing inspiration from the pagan Greek philosophical schools, as well as from the Jewish and Eastern Christian traditions, and formulating an original synthesis that was to influence later Byzantine, and possibly even modern European, thought. A central idea in Gregory's writing is the distinction between the transcendent nature and immanent energies of God, and much of his thought is a working out of the implications of that idea in other areas--notably, the world, humanity, history, knowledge, and virtue. This leads him to expand the nature-energies distinction into a general cosmological principle, to apply it particularly to human nature, which he conceives as having been created in God's image, and to rear a theory of unending intellectual and moral perfectibility on the premise that the purpose of human life is literally to become like the infinite nature of God. "

* More information - http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gregory_of_Nyssa

#Episcopal #Saints #Anglican #Gregory #philosophy #EDOLA

VSG Journey Update 3 Weeks Out from Surgery

My current status as of Wednesday, June 5th:  I am three weeks and a day out from surgery!

From discharge day (Thurs., May 16) I did one week clear liquids and two weeks full liquids. Clear liquids were pretty dang hard and I felt weak much of the time. I also failed miserably at getting all my water and all my protein in each day. Full liquids made me immediately feel better although I must admit that I grew SICK of protein shakes and also failed at getting my protein or all my water in each day. I did a lot better, but still had trouble. One evening after Jefferson Chorale, we all went to TGI Friday's afterwards. I sampled their dark French onion soup (without the toppings or eating any onions.....plus I hate onions) and their broccoli cheese soup. I had never in my life had broccoli cheese soup. The Fr. onion was ok and I was able to get in a couple of spoonfuls. Then....THEN....the BROCCOLI CHEESE SOUP was from HEAVEN. Yes, it truly was. It made my stomach very grumbly, but it went and stayed down just fine. I took the rest home and had it for two more days. Later, I read somewhere that fibrous veggies like broccoli are to be avoided, but I feel like it was pretty ground up and avoided all chunks anyway :-)

Now, I am MORE THAN READY to begin soft foods. Some people call this stage "the mushies", but to me that just sounds gross. I can't do pureed foods unless it's something that is actually supposed to be pureed. Last Friday, I tried a tiny bit of lean, very thinly-sliced deli turkey and it went down and stayed down just fine. I was OVERJOYED! I had it with half a Babybel soft cheese. I've been doing that once a day since Saturday. I also tried scrambled eggs with cheese. Never in my life had I ever had eggs with cheese, but it tasted good. I ate about 1/3 of one egg and it felt like a brick in my stomach for several hours. I did not feel ill, just heavy. I decided to wait a bit before having more of that.

Tomorrow, I begin soft foods and I think I'm supposed to introduce one new food a day. If anything doesn't settle well, I am to go back to protein shakes or something mild that did work well. I'll continue the deli turkey & Babybel cheese. The first new things I will try will be soft, baked fish, refried beans & grated cheddar, chili, and maybe scrambled eggs again. I'd love grits, but am not sure yet about them. I might make some more egg custard. I actually went and bought ramekins, learned how to make egg custard and made it, sugarfree. I didn't like it so much, but it was ok. I can use the little bowls though...

I really would like to try the "meats pressure cooked to tenderize", but in my head, those are more solid so I am a bit shy of that just yet.

Even though I will not have to be on a strict vitamin regimen, I am taking Biotin, Thiamine, a multi (gummy), Omega 3 (gummy), B-12 & D + Calcium (sublingual tabs).

I'm feeling pretty back to normal most of the time although I get easily tired out. I am used to having an extremely high level of energy so that kind of stinks, but I know it will get back up there. Everyone seemed so surprised that I was back at church, back in the singing groups, going to work, etc. I was not on pain meds for more than a day and a half at the hospital and once I stopped the IV, the pain was manageable. The nausea went away after two-three days and I have not thrown up at all. Many MANY people have. I hate throwing up so I am trying to be super cautious about when to STOP eating. My little stomach is now exactly 4 (FOUR) ounces. Anything I've eaten was only one or two and then I feel full. It's still healing. I'll prob have to eat little small meals several times a day eventually. Today, I had my protein shakes and vitamins first and then took an applesauce, a pudding, a cheese stick, and some turkey with me for the rest of the day until I can have some veggie soup tonight after choir. Before you judge, we are SUPPOSED to be having snacks and those (applesauce, cheese, pudding) are on the list!

Here is a before picture and then a picture from a week and a half a go. I cannot tell too much difference yet. My 3X clothes are now loose and I've lost 35 lbs so far. This weekend, I'll post some more pictures of before and after. I'll try to make a collage of sorts. The cool thing is that I am wearing a dress I haven't been able to wear in years and now I'm at the weight that I was when I moved to NOLA eight years ago! My starting weight was 270. I don't mind sharing that. My current weight is 235. Cool! No amount of exercise or fad or legit dieting was ever able to get me this kind of change.......and I've been trying off and on for 30 years. Some part of me says "wow, I could have just stayed on a liquid diet for a long time" and the other parts of me remind myself "I already did that and it ALL came back the minute that diet session stopped." This time, it is not a diet. It's a continuation of my mostly healthy lifestyle, PLUS the surgical help of restricted portions. Oh, and surgery is N O T the "easy way out". Think what you want, but if you say that to me, you might want to know I can throw a pretty solid punch. ;-)

Night bef surgery: 257                                             In this picture: 248